My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)i needed this advice yesterday. this past week, we moved to the community where my husband grew up. it's been a marathon, consisting of husband and i passing batons of boxes between us, culminating in the big moving day on saturday. we are both exhausted. it's easy to get frustrated with someone when you move. they aren't moving fast enough, doing it right, you name it. but i kept my frustrations in check, there was too much to do to pick a fight. and then yesterday happened. as the dust was settling from moving in, my mother-in-law arrived unannounced, which has been a concern of mine moving closer to his family.
i politely bided my time until she left, only to unleash my frustrations on my husband as soon as she was out the door.
that was not the right thing to do.
instead of being slow to anger, i lit like a fuse. today i am feeling awful about blowing up and went seeking some spiritual guidance. as i read this passage, i'm trying to see how i can use it with my short temper. how does someone who is quick to anger become slow to anger? doesn't that go against my disposition? as i think about this, i am wondering if it means that i need to be more effective managing my frustrations instead of letting them build up. keeping things cleaned up emotionally, so to speak.
no matter how i slice it, i know that it would serve me well to remember this advice and be quick to listen, slow to speak and even slower to anger.
how do you manage your anger?
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I understand this all toooo well. My husband bears the brunt of my anger and frustrations on many occasions. Learning to accept that what upsets us does not necessarily upset others around us, especially our partners is a tough thing. They are supposed to know and understand everything about us. I have learned to try and recognize my limits and remove myself from situations before I explode..not always successfully. I do try very hard to ask god for strength in those moments, the strength to realize and remember my husband is a very good man and deserves my respect...however I believe that respect is something earned and if I feel disrespected I lash out. What I am learning is that this is the opposite of what I should do as it results in both of us feeling disrespected and starts a horrible cycle. I need my quiet time...alone with a book, just my thoughts and god. Unfortunately moving is very stressful...and as I tell my husband..life often gets in the way of our relationship. Its our job to focus on it..
ReplyDeleteWow..long post again...good to see you back...
it's good to be back, lisa. recognizing your limits is key - and something that i struggle with. it seems when i'm honest with myself about what i can handle i have fewer explosions.
Deletethanks for the comment - love hearing your take on things!
I think I heard it said that anger is the result of unmet expectations. I think that is probably true and so when I recognize that I am heading down a path toward anger, I try to figure out if my expectations are realistic and adjust them if needed. Adjusting my expectations is easier to talk about than to actually do.... especially when I think they are the right or even the required expectations.... anyway, stepping back and rethinking it usually helps me not get angry.....
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