god dust

Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)

we get our new house in a week and our current home has not sold. anxiety is gripping my heart when i let myself think about these facts. but there's another fact that i need to keep in mind: nothing is impossible with god.

god doesn't say he will fix it, or get our house to sell, but he does say that nothing is hopeless with him on your side. so even if the house doesn't sell in time, or our budget is stretched to its breaking point, we will be provided for.

i usually look at this verse and think god will sprinkle 'god dust' and make magic. but today, as i meditate on this, i am seeing it differently. instead of making things into what i see as ideal, god is promising to make what seems unworkable into something that works. he's given us the tools to scale this mountain, and will be there with us every step of the way. he makes it possible for me to do what i thought was impossible.

what are you seeing as an impossibility?

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knotted paths

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

tomorrow starts my 'official' transition back to work. i am so anxious about it. my nervousness is tangled in a knot, tying together our move, our house not selling, my son going to daycare, the possibility of being transfered out of the job i've been aspiring to.

somedays i feel ready for what is coming and others i don't. tonight is one of those nights where the anxiousness and doubt win over the confidence and trust.

i love the idea of god making my paths straight, of untangling the knots, bit by bit and giving me the strength to take on the challenges that are waiting for me. i know that god's not going to fix everything, but he will be there for me, love me and support me when i need it. he's here to help me find my way.

and no matter how thick my ball of knots is, he'll be there to help me unravel the kinks as they come, one by one.

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focus in

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

life is busy. there's always another call to make, email to write, job to do. even as i am writing this, my to do list is scrolling through my head. i have a hard time unplugging. it's so easy to be distracted from our important relationships.

we need to take time and be still with those we love. this is is a challenge for me. to let the dishes sit for a while and play with my son or get offline and spend time with my husband. it seems that in my life, the people i care about the most get the least amount of my attention. but in the quiet, in the slowness, that's where our roots are formed and our relationships flourish.

the same goes for our relationship with god. he works in the quiet, away from the busy. and just like my other relationships i find that i get sidetracked and distracted from just waiting on him.

i need to take the time to focus on these relationships and grow them with purpose and love. take the time to really listen, to slow down and savour our moments together, to know that we are in this together.

how do you 'do' stillness? what is taking your attention?

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i doubt it

For sure, I tell you, a person may say to this mountain, ‘Move from here into the sea.’ And if he does not doubt, but believes that what he says will be done, it will happen. (Mark 11:23)

doubt and i are old friends. i doubt myself, i doubt others, i doubt god. and yet each time i doubt it holds me back.

doubting myself causes me to stop short of my goals. it makes me feel that the things i am doing, choices i am making, words i am writing aren't good enough. it turns me into a paler form of me. if i doubt others, it shakes our relationship. it makes me act differently toward them, skeptical, hesitant. it breeds distrust. it slowly seeps into the foundation of the you and me. you see, i realized that doubt is reactionary, that it's a catalyst. it changes my actions, which changes the outcome. it alters me into someone that i don't want to be. someone who gives up.

doubting god is the same, it causes me accept failure and then put the blame on god. it allows me to quit, when god is asking me to trust him and keep going. god is telling me that if i rested in his promises, he would help me move mountains. he will get me through the tough stuff i am facing, he won't forsake me.  he will give me the strength and wisdom i need as i transition back to work, sell my home, face a job change. he will take care of me. he will help me realize my potential. all he's asking for in return is a little trust, and hard work.

what are you doubting? how do those doubts effect you?

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peace and blessings

May the Lord bless you
      and protect you.
 May the Lord smile on you
      and be gracious to you.
 May the Lord show you his favor
      and give you his peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

this blessing makes me feel safe. like i'm tucked in a warm spot on a blustery night. at first, when i read this i couldn't put my finger on it. but then i realized that this is the same blessing that my grandparents have given me since i was a child, but it's in english.

for this friday, i wanted to leave you with a thought about legacy. what do you want your legacy to be? i've been ruminating on this after yesterday's post. i want to leave a legacy of love and grace in my wake, to live out this blessing in my life. to bestow blessings, protection, kindness and peace to those that i come into contact with.

my grandfather left a legacy of passion, one that i am proud to be apart of. and the blessings of his life continue in our family. the lessons he taught us and character that he helped develop are part of the fibre of our family tapestry. he died before my son was born and although these two pivotal men of my life will not meet, his blessing and legacy has been bestowed upon my son. that's the thing about legacy, it lingers after we leave. what will yours say?

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give me more

Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back. (Luke 6:38)

giving is one of those things that i struggle with. the whole act is yet another lesson in trust. god doesn't say when we'll receive back our gifts, or from whom, but he is telling us to give freely, and trust that he will honour our generosity, that our generosity won't be a cause of ruin.

how does this work in our lives? how should i negotiate the requests for donations at the grocery store, or that come in the mail? is it sinful to want to hold onto my hard earned money? these are questions that i avoid asking, in fear of not liking the answer. but now, i've gone and asked them anyway.

i hide behind the thin veil of we can't afford it  or i don't have time when god's always provided for me. i have been blessed, and in turn should bless others. not just monetarily, but also with my time, words and attitude. lord, help me to be a gracious giver, to give without expectation and to teach my son the value of helping others.

and so the sea of change sweeps over me. today i dropped my change into the charity bin at the grocery store, gave away a prized bib to another mom, offered a loaf of bread to a friend. i said yes every time someone asked. small steps, but it all felt significant. what i wasn't expecting was the lightness and peace that i got in return. grace begets grace. love begets love. that is the story i want my life to tell.

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bread day

Do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need. (Philippians 4:6)

i thought of this verse today as i was making bread, kneading the ingredients that come together to create something nourishing. you see, god's been working on me. he's been kneading me like a ball of dough, adding a pinch of this and a peck of that to create something new from something that was already there. he's been teaching me and testing me, asking me if i really trust him. i'm not always proud of the answer.

over the past few weeks, i keep hearing this message: don't worry, pray. everywhere i turn, there's a reminder. i'm slowly making headway, tearing down my fears and insecurities, giving over the reigns to all the things that seem to be out of control in my life. my job, raising a son, selling our house. but god is faithful, he plants the seed, tends the garden and waits.

it's hard. i like to be in control. worry takes over my heart and paralyzes me, if i let it. but the lessons have been working, i've been learning to pray when i worry. it's not always instantaneous, but the more i pray, and talk it out with god, the less my anxiety holds me captive. i can breathe again. i can see the sun peeking out of the clouds. life is good.

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