love everlasting

This is my command—be strong and courageous!  Do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

i am feeling a little shaky - my year long maternity leave is over as of 8:05 a.m. tomorrow morning. not that i am counting the seconds or anything. i am filled with a barrage of emotions - fear of failure, excitement of what's to come, sadness to leave my son with someone else. i'm sad and happy and missing him already.

tomorrow i am going to approach the day with one task, to be strong and courageous. to let the strength of the lord embrace me as i stumble down this new path of 'working mom'. the lord has good things in store for me, he's whispered it through the trees to me, he's reminded me of it daily. but even though i know this, i am feeling sad and shaken as i look out towards the future.

inevitably, starting will make me feel more at peace, but for tonight i will meditate on this. god is good. he loves me. he's rooting for me. the strings i feel tugging away as my son and i are separated are the same that he feels towards me. he holds me in his heart when he can't hold my hand, just as i do with my son.

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team spirit

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

since i started this blog, we have gone through lots of changes. moving, work responsibilities, ending my maternity leave, and starting daycare, to name a few. with all that change has come a large amount of fear. fear of failure, the unknown, rejection. but through it all, i feel like the lord has been teaching me to trust. and in a few short months, after continuous reminders to myself, it's working. i'm more trusting and better at asking for help. not just with god, but in my close relationships too.

we don't have to do it all and we sure don't have to do it alone, we are built to live in community with others and help one another. this has been a hard lesson to learn. i like to do things independently and prove that i am enough. but the farther down this journey i get, the more i am realizing, i don't have to. i have god on my team.

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blowups

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

i needed this advice yesterday. this past week, we moved to the community where my husband grew up. it's been a marathon, consisting of husband and i passing batons of boxes between us, culminating in the big moving day on saturday. we are both exhausted. it's easy to get frustrated with someone when you move. they aren't moving fast enough, doing it right, you name it. but i kept my frustrations in check, there was too much to do to pick a fight. and then yesterday happened. as the dust was settling from moving in, my mother-in-law arrived unannounced, which has been a concern of mine moving closer to his family.

i politely bided my time until she left, only to unleash my frustrations on my husband as soon as she was out the door.

that was not the right thing to do.

instead of being slow to anger, i lit like a fuse. today i am feeling awful about blowing up and went seeking some spiritual guidance. as i read this passage, i'm trying to see how i can use it with my short temper. how does someone who is quick to anger become slow to anger? doesn't that go against my disposition? as i think about this, i am wondering if it means that i need to be more effective managing my frustrations instead of letting them build up. keeping things cleaned up emotionally, so to speak.

no matter how i slice it, i know that it would serve me well to remember this advice and be quick to listen, slow to speak and even slower to anger.

how do you manage your anger?

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