simple life

Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant.  If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. (Ecclesiastes 11:4)

each year, the farmers and farmer wannabes in my life fret about the weather. today there's too much rain, tomorrow not enough. elements beyond control threaten to ruin livelihoods at a moments notice. and yet, each year, regardless of the fears and anxieties of those planting the seeds, the crops grow. they grow and fruit and flourish, seemingly impossibly in the face of the weather patterns of the year. and without fail, there's harvest. 

life is the same - so much time is wasted by worry - and when you come through the stress it seems so easy, so obvious where your path has taken you. the last few months have been like those uncertain weather patterns for me and mine. it feels as though i have been operating crisis to crisis, each more serious and apparent than the last. but god is faithful. he has gotten me safely through to the other side of so many challenges, he will guide me in this next leg of my journey as well.

through the dark, uncertain times, this is what i need to remember, that regardless of the storms that i face or the drought that threatens to demolish the fruits of my labor, there will be harvest. i need to persevere and stay the course.  i will come through it. i will not be forgotten or abandoned.

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love everlasting

This is my command—be strong and courageous!  Do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

i am feeling a little shaky - my year long maternity leave is over as of 8:05 a.m. tomorrow morning. not that i am counting the seconds or anything. i am filled with a barrage of emotions - fear of failure, excitement of what's to come, sadness to leave my son with someone else. i'm sad and happy and missing him already.

tomorrow i am going to approach the day with one task, to be strong and courageous. to let the strength of the lord embrace me as i stumble down this new path of 'working mom'. the lord has good things in store for me, he's whispered it through the trees to me, he's reminded me of it daily. but even though i know this, i am feeling sad and shaken as i look out towards the future.

inevitably, starting will make me feel more at peace, but for tonight i will meditate on this. god is good. he loves me. he's rooting for me. the strings i feel tugging away as my son and i are separated are the same that he feels towards me. he holds me in his heart when he can't hold my hand, just as i do with my son.

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team spirit

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

since i started this blog, we have gone through lots of changes. moving, work responsibilities, ending my maternity leave, and starting daycare, to name a few. with all that change has come a large amount of fear. fear of failure, the unknown, rejection. but through it all, i feel like the lord has been teaching me to trust. and in a few short months, after continuous reminders to myself, it's working. i'm more trusting and better at asking for help. not just with god, but in my close relationships too.

we don't have to do it all and we sure don't have to do it alone, we are built to live in community with others and help one another. this has been a hard lesson to learn. i like to do things independently and prove that i am enough. but the farther down this journey i get, the more i am realizing, i don't have to. i have god on my team.

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blowups

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

i needed this advice yesterday. this past week, we moved to the community where my husband grew up. it's been a marathon, consisting of husband and i passing batons of boxes between us, culminating in the big moving day on saturday. we are both exhausted. it's easy to get frustrated with someone when you move. they aren't moving fast enough, doing it right, you name it. but i kept my frustrations in check, there was too much to do to pick a fight. and then yesterday happened. as the dust was settling from moving in, my mother-in-law arrived unannounced, which has been a concern of mine moving closer to his family.

i politely bided my time until she left, only to unleash my frustrations on my husband as soon as she was out the door.

that was not the right thing to do.

instead of being slow to anger, i lit like a fuse. today i am feeling awful about blowing up and went seeking some spiritual guidance. as i read this passage, i'm trying to see how i can use it with my short temper. how does someone who is quick to anger become slow to anger? doesn't that go against my disposition? as i think about this, i am wondering if it means that i need to be more effective managing my frustrations instead of letting them build up. keeping things cleaned up emotionally, so to speak.

no matter how i slice it, i know that it would serve me well to remember this advice and be quick to listen, slow to speak and even slower to anger.

how do you manage your anger?

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saying yes

Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow. (Mat. 5:42)

the interesting thing about giving is that the more you do it, the easier it is. a few weeks ago, i posted about giving. since then, i have made the choice to say yes, rather than no. and it feels good. i feel fuller, more blessed, more vibrant.

i think that i was saying no out of fear, holding onto my pennies or time thinking that once they were gone, i could never recoup their value. but what i've learned these last few weeks is that the more that i give, the more that i get. blessings abound. when i stop and think about it, i don't know if it's because i'm giving and thus receiving or rather giving is changing my outlook. it's making me see things as blessings that i was missing before.

giving isn't always easy, but it's always good. this is a lesson that i want to remember. this is a lesson that i want to teach my son.

what lesson are you being taught?

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cloudy with a chance of sunshine

Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow…Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. (Matthew 6:28-30)

it's official - i'm to be surplus from my job. i knew it was coming, but reading the official documentation makes it more real. i did what i usually do when my heart hurts - i went to my garden for a good cry.

as i sadly sat on my step, the sun shone on me, warming me. it felt like a hug. i thought about this verse as i looked around at the budding flowers. i heard the birds singing to me, a great chorus of optimism. the wind rustled the leaves and it sounded like a message - i have good things in store for you.

sometimes, we need to let out our sadness, and allow god to comfort us. we don't always have to be happy, or fight away our tears.

so if you are blue today, go sit in the sunshine and feel his warmth radiating, telling you it's all going to turn out ok.

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fill'er up

Those who love money will never have enough. (Ecc.5:10)

pinterest is a pastime of mine. i love to scroll through the endless aisles of pretty things, adding to my list of wants. hoarding virtual versions of things that i can't afford. since i have been on pinterest, i have felt my wants grow. my feelings of greed being fed. and i'm not the only one, market research shows that pinterest generates $0.18 a click, the highest on any social media platform.

now that's not to say that i think that pinterest is bad, but when i read this verse it struck me that perhaps i'm not interacting with it in a healthy manner. feeding my wants in such a self-indulgent way. using it to hoard the growing list of shiny things that i wish to have. i need to use it as place of inspiration, rather than somewhere to stockpile my wants.

in today's society, it's so easy to get wrapped up in the trappings of life. to get sidelined by things and to fill up life with stuff rather than relationships. when i read this verse, my first reaction is that i don't love money. but i do love what money brings and i have feelings of insatiability. god is calling me to work on this. to let go of my materialism and live in the peace and contentment of my relationship with him and those around me.

do i still have my pinterest account? yes. but i am beginning to be more mindful of what i am doing, rather than blindly feeding my greed.

what things are you filling your life up with?

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